How do You see me?

This post is getting back to original purpose I created this blog and that was to give voice to my thoughts. This is not about my photography, it's about life, my life and what is going on right now.

Last week I posted about how Facebook has allowed me to reconnected with about 20 people from my school days. It's been interesting to hear where life has taken us. In school we put on a front, wore masks and didn't present the real us for our peers to see. For the most part, through the years we have discovered who God has created us to be. Even so, that journey will never stop completely until we breathe our last breath.

I've reconnected with one particular friend who has turned my world on its side. He has me pondering myself, my life and my beliefs. When we talk I know he will tell me the brutal and honest truth as he sees it. He is the only one in my entire life I have ever had enough courage to ask him, "How do you see me?" He can read me like no one else I have ever met. I have told him on many occasions, "You scare me." But, I also have to admit that it's refreshing to have someone know you so well, still accept you for who you are now and is excited because he can also see who you have the potential to be.

After 27-years apart and only 3 1/2-months of being back in communication, when I asked him that question, in addition to some better qualities, he called me out in most of the areas of my life I still try not to face and confront. He was, and is, brutally honest with me and I appreciate his candor. I receive his words. I can only do this because I know he cares about me and is not saying these things to hurt me, but because he simply wants the best for me. It is a friendship I have been longing for all my life.

The more I thought about how I appreciate this relationship the more I realized I already have a relationship like that but chose to turn a deaf ear to it.

How could I have pined for something I felt I was missing when it was right there in front of me all the time?? I have wounded Christ by longing for something He has been trying to give me all my life.

Isn't my friend showing me the true character of Christ?? Christ accepts me for who I am, but doesn't want me to stay in the pain, anger, distrust and all the other things that are not of God. His heart for me is to see me live my life to the fullest. To enjoy every day for what it truly is, a gift from God. These are all things modeled in and through my friend.

Through his job, he has seen the darkest side of humanity and yet he loves with a passion that I have found in very few. Even so, at some point he will fail me. He will hurt me. His words will bite into me causing a scar. He will look at me wrong. He will not talk to me in the tone that I longed for. In other words, he is just a man; a human being who is sinful and fallen. It is through these times where I will have the privileged of modeling Christ's forgiveness back to him while I ask for forgiveness from him as I fail him and his expectations of our relationship.

I firmly believe the Lord brought him back into my life at a very crucial time. Many of you who read my blog know that I used to be a video director for a large church. Two and a half months ago I was laid off due to the downturn in the economy.

I was not heartbroken to have lost my job. For over a year, I had been getting back into my first love, photography. After the shock wore off and I had a good cry, okay a "snot-bubble-tear crying session", I was excited about where the Lord was leading me. This was a new adventure and I knew the Lord as orchestrating it.

These past 2 1/2 months have been a time of great activity in my life with old friendships being restored and new adventures to embark on.

The Lord used an old friendship to point me back to Himself. To show me His Character in a man who is not afraid to speak the hard words of truth into my life and for me to accept those words because they are spoken with love.

While I do not feel I will be serving with an organized ministry in the foreseeable future, the Lord has brought other people into my life with whom I can be a model of His son to. Speak the tough words in love and watch them grow into the people the Lord has created them to be. To let them know that at some point I will fail them, but Christ NEVER will.

I am happy with my life. Happy with where the Lord has brought me. Through all the trails and tribulations, He has stuck by my side. Happy for the friendships He has restored. Okay, I'm not so happy about Him working on my patience, but I'm dealing with that moment by moment. Happy that He still loves me and accepts me for who I am right now and also when I look for that love and acceptance in someone who will ultimately fail me. Happy that my own failures are opportunities to grow. Happy that I will be able to re-read this post and "preach to the choir" again and again because I know later tonight something will happen and I will have forgotten all that I typed here. Happy that I'm getting a little closer to not caring what you think of me, but only of what the Lord thinks of me. I haven't asked the Lord the same question I asked of my friend, "how do you see me?" See, He has told me through His Word, and let me tell ya, He thinks I'm simply the Bee's Knees!!!