I just have to laugh

Okay, these past couple of days have been a whirlwind of emotions for me and I'm not sure if I'm coming or going, but I have a huge smile on my face right now so which ever direction I'm heading in, it must be a good one.

I had a nice chat with a friend of mine today after church. She really encouraged me. So, as a result of that conversation I'm going to take this post a bit further. It's not only to share with those couple of people who follow my blog on a regular basis, but I know from past experience that I'm going to need something to look back on this moment to remind me of the Lord's faithfulness. This is my monument to remind me of His faithfulness in my life.

Okay, so many of you may not know that many moons ago I was engaged. It was not a good relationship from the beginning, and only got worse as it progressed. I'm not going to go into the sorted details, but suffice to say it left a very large wound on my heart that effects how I deal with people and how I look at myself.

I have some other friends who have really challenged me in several areas of my life over the past couple of days. One of the areas was wanting to know more about this broken engagement. They told me they wanted to know more about it so they could better understand the struggles I was currently having.

This was quite a tall order. I had squashed all those feelings. As my mother says, "I closed the door" on this part of my life." You know, I had closed the door on it, but there was still a bunch of crap behind that closed door. Closed doors are not good.

So, they challenged me to tell them about this part of my testimony. Later that day I literally crawled into bed and hid under the covers. I tried not to think of all the things that took place in this long ago relationship, but my brain was now on overdrive.

I couldn't take it anymore. I finally pulled myself out of bed and sat down at my computer and told my friends about this failed relationship. When I sat down I told myself that I was not going to hold anything back. Perhaps by telling my friends what had actually taken place, it might begin to open the door I had so long ago slammed shut.

While I did not go into specific details, my friends were able to understand what I gone through, both receiving and giving. Although we have not discussed my writing since sending this information, the freedom that I feel right now is something I have not felt in a VERY long time.

So, what do I do?? And this is really where I could use your prayers.

There is another relationship where the wounds run deep.

When I lived in South Africa, I had friends of 18-years hurt me deeply. The relationship was broken and it is yet another deep, puss filled wound that still festers.

This morning at 3:30am I reached out to them. I'm not sure where this is going to lead and I'm not really sure that I have the strength to deal with it the way the Lord wants me to, but after living these past couple of days, I thought there was no better time.

So, what started out a tear, terror, pain filled communication with friends might just come to change my life.

I just had to laugh!!!